Discover Your Inner Power to Thrive. (sm)
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YOU have the power to TRANSFORM your life...
regardless of your current circumstances.
Couples Therapy
A Unique Approach
At Marriage and Family Therapy Services, PLLC, our Marriage and Family Therapists are expertly qualified to manage the complexities that arise in couples/marital systems. We utilize proven Marriage and Family Therapy theories and techniques to assist clients in identifying and changing unhealthy communication and behavior. We have a proven track record of happy couples and families, who have benefitted from our valuable coaching/training.
For simplicity's sake, we use the term "Couple"
to refer to all couples, married or otherwise.
On the Brink...
Click here to listen to a free audio download, of an interview with Liza Shaw, describing how her practice helps couples bring themselves back from the brink of divorce.
When your relationship gets to a crisis-point, you may feel angry, sad and scared about the future. Many people ask themselves questions such as those below, prior to seeking help for their relationship problems.
We want to assure you that these questions are a normal part of the decision-making process regarding whether or not to get help. We hope our responses will put your mind at ease and allow you a better understanding of our approach to couples therapy.
Couples Therapy Q & A:
(Click on links below)
Is change really possible?
Isn't Infidelity the "death Sentence" of a relationship?
After so much hurt, can I ever really LOVE my partner again?
Isn't it better to just start fresh with a new relationship?
What if one of us changes and the other doesn't?
Without any guarantees, why should I invest my emotional energy, time, and money into this process?
"With so many unresolved issues in our relationship, is it really possible to have lasting, positive change?"
Absolutely. Most couples have struggled with the same problems for a long time with little-to-no help. Others have attempted to get help from counselors who are not adequately qualified to treat more than one person at a time, or from well-meaning friends or relatives who have not known how to make a real difference.
Our clients are offered real-life solutions to the unhealthy patterns that cause their difficulties. Therapists utilize a "coaching" style, with valuable learning opportunities arising "in the moment," during the session itself. Couples are encouraged to engage in a process of "practice," learning new ways of relating to one another, between appointments. Mistakes are not only accepted, but encouraged, so that they can be used as opportunities for new learning and greater growth. New skills take time and effort to develop, but steady practice can allow for much healthier, positive solutions to emerge!
"But there has been INFIDELITY in our relationship. Can this ever really
be forgiven, or will the affair loom over us forever?"
An affair does NOT have to be the death sentence of a relationship! While it can be one of the most painful traumas a long-term committed relationship endures, an affair can actually be used in therapy as a "window" into the problematic behaviors the couple has engaged in. Couples who are willing to really "dig in" and use the affair as a symptom, rather than the one-and-only problem, can discover and then treat these unhealthy behavior patterns. If individuals in the couple desire to move past the pain, the process of "Reconciliation Therapy" can become the best innoculation there is against infidelity in the future.
Therapists at Marriage and Family Therapy Services assist couples through the process of grieving the past, self- and other-forgiveness, re-building trust, and re-committing to the relationship. The problem of trust goes away completely as this process reaches its logical conclusion.
We have helped hundreds of people move beyond the pain of infidelity, and into trusting, thriving relationships with the same spouses/partners. This is more than just "possible." We are committed to it!
The Bottom Line?
"There's been so much hurt. Can I ever really love my spouse/partner again?"
Yes you can, and many of our clients do. While today, there may seem to be too many resentments and hurt to ever feel affinity for your spouse/partner again, the way you feel about him/her in the future can be VERY different. Resentments can be resolved, and fear that the past will repeat itself again can truly be wiped away. Therapists at Marriage and Family Therapy Services utilize their expertise to assist couples in finally letting go of pain from the past, so that they stop dragging it into the present and dooming the future.
What happens when couples experience this is nothing short of miraculous! True love, passion, connection, and intimacy all have room to take hold and blossom in the relationship -- sometimes in more significant amounts than had ever been previously possible.
"Wouldn't it be easier just to end this relationship and start fresh with a new one?"
While this is a common idea, it truly is a dangerous misconception. It can be tempting to believe that your spouse's/partner's behavior is the problem in the relationship, and if so, finding a new spouse/partner would seem to be the solution. The problem with this theory is that you would still take YOU, and all of YOUR behavior with you. Whether or not you want to believe it, each person in a problematic couple-system is participating in the problem, at least to some degree. This means each one carries their share of responsibility.
Your part in the problem is usually "hidden" from your own view, and it usually requires an expert, outside perspective to be able to help you see it. Once you identify this behavior, you can DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! If you don't, you will likely carry it right into the next relationship... and the next... and the next. At some point, if you are smart, you will get yourself into a qualified Marriage and Family Therapist's office, to learn how to unravel the pattern enough to see your part in it, and then develop new, healthier relationship skills.
"What if one of us changes, but the other doesn't? Won't this end the relationship anyway?"
Most everyone who has participated in couples therapy faces this fear or concern in the beginning. Of course, we can't ever guarantee any particular results, but in couples therapy, we find that when new behavior is practiced consistently and over time, there is rarely a situation where only one person changes. We like to use the analogy of a hanging mobile.
Your therapist will teach each person in the couple to begin examining their own part of the communciation pattern, and assist them in practicing healthier behaviors. Clients who are willing to do the "hard work" of keeping their focus on the part of the cycle they can do something about -- their own -- usually experience rewarding changes. Right away, people report feeling more empowered, calmer, with a sense of freedom that they had not experienced when they were so focused on the other person's behavior. They are usually very grateful that their efforts are finally able to have an impact!
"If there are no guarantees, why should we invest our energy, time and finances into couples therapy? How do we know it would be worth it?"
It can be hard work to break-free of chronically unhealthy behavior patterns, and it is certainly a big investment. But most things of value in life require effort, investment, and hard work to make them worthwhile. We find that the more effort and energy a couple puts into their work in therapy, the more satisfied they tend to feel with their results. We ask couples to engage in a minimum period of therapy during which they will commit to the process without having to know the exact outcome. We know this can be challenging for people, but this allows for a "safe space" to be established, where couples can really explore the breakdowns and discover what could be required for breakthroughs to become possible!
We know that when individuals in the couple, work hard to resolve habitual conflicts, the individuals become healthier people. Not every unhealthy relationship reconciles their differences after learning new skills in therapy. However, it is possible for many more relationships to move past their problems with a qualified Marriage and Family Therapist, than if they were to attempt solving them alone. And even in the event that a couple doesn't stay together, each person who has worked hard in therapy tends to be healthier, and therefore, happier. This, in turn, has a positive impact on all of their relationships (including other family members), and it becomes more likely for them to move on and develop a healthier love relationship in the future.
Continuing to do the same thing over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of INSANITY.
Learn brand new behavior, & get new results in your relationship!
Power to Thrive Radio
Become a Fan by clicking on the link, above!
Preview Liza Shaw's New Book, "Thousands of Words:" http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/thousands-of-words/16116379
Or purchase here:
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