MAN UP

10 ways He can improve Her sex life.

By Brad Wolf , MA

Men struggle with their sexuality, according to The New York Post. The article titled It’s Not You- It’s Him by Melissa Klein (December 16, 2007) refers to new research that men are as responsible for frigidity in marriage – and long term relationships – as women. Women are often stereotyped as “cold fish” and men frequently blame their wives for their lackluster sex life. A recent study by Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz supported the latter finding that 68% of men do blame their wives for “failing to inflame their passion.” However, the survey also found that only 3% of these men were not interested in sex at all and less 1% admitted they were gay. This leaves the majority of men interested in sex, but just not interested in sex with their partners. But it is not just Her fault. So guys, what’s wrong?

Well the survey also states that 14% of the men said they were too tired, 38% of men stated that their wives gained weight, 41% admitted to being bored and 61% believed that their wives did not enjoy sex. The article goes on to refer to these men as “whining and complaining.” Only 20% of the men surveyed said that they were cheating, but Berkowitz said, “If these guys are not having sex with their wives, they’re probably having affairs.” This makes men look rather pathetic.

Guys, it’s time to step up and take responsibility for our own sexuality! If you want to get more pussy, stop acting like a pussy!  Don’t be afraid to do what it takes, and perhaps she will have more courage to go all-out. Here are ten ways to help you help her:

1.)  Realize it’s all in your head. For years men have been accused of, “thinking with the wrong head.” This refers to the belief that men put their libido first, and all else second. This may not be true. The study mentioned above indicates that men may be thinking too much. Most of these men believed that their wives were not interested in sex. Some men specifically mentioned that their wives did not “show enthusiasm or give the positive reinforcement they needed.” Guys, don’t over analyze things and don’t expect her to give you reinforcement. Be confident and enthusiastic; don’t wait for her. Waiting for her to validate you makes you look weak and that is a huge turn-off. If you believe in yourself she is more likely to find you attractive and responded accordingly.

2.) Eat right and exercise. Many people put off their health because of work or the kids. But being tired is no excuse. Regular exercise gives you more energy. A healthy diet and regular exercise have been proven to reduce depression and anxiety. Additionally, a good exercise program reduces weight, increases endurance, and improves flexibility; these will invariably improve your sex life. And remember: Sex itself is exercise; you burn over 100 calories per 30 minutes of sex.

3.) Help her be sexy. A major complaint of men is that their wives have gained weight or do not look as young as they use to. But research from Royal Edinburgh Hospital in Scotland showed that people who have more sex (an average of 4 times a week) tend to look 7 to 12 years younger. If your wife is not as hot as she used to be it may be because you should be having more sex with her! And again, sex is exercise. The more you get busy (and she feels good about it) the more likely it is she will have a healthy body, feel more energetic and look younger.

4.) Talk about sex. It is important to discuss sex with her. She just might surprise you. If you are willing to express yourself and share your likes and dislikes, she might be willing to try new things. She may even suggest something you haven’t thought of yet.

5.) Tell her how you feel. Don’t just focus on sex; connect with her. Tell her the things you feel strongly about, and listen to what she values. Talk about your dreams and aspirations, and listen to hers. One of the best ways to improve a relationship is to take interest in and support each other’s life goals. If the two of you feel successful at life, you will have success in the bedroom.

6.) Back off. Stop putting pressure on her! It’s just not SEXY! Once you have had a heart-felt talk with her, don’t bring it up again. Be patient. Give her time. If this is a long term relationship, then it is worth investing in. You need to give her the space, so she can desire you. Don’t remind her how long it has been since you had sex; instead remind her how much you love her, and how sexy she is!

7.) Show her how you feel. Don’t wait for special occasions to do something special. Often the expectation of gifts on holidays decreases their perceived value. Surprise her with flowers, plan a date or a give a gift for no reason. These surprises will have a greater impact because they are for HER – not for the holiday. Do little things too. Notes, cards, hugs… can show her your love with just a little effort on your part. It may not feel natural at first, but you’d be surprised at how easy it can be to make a difference. This does not come naturally for most guys, but it is worth the effort.

8.) “Just Do It.” Yes, that saying is played out, but it’s still true. If you are not feeling attracted to your wife, have sex with her – just DO it! Studies have shown that certain “bonding” hormones are released during sex (especially during orgasm.) The hormones that are released during sex are the same hormones experienced by a woman when she is breast feeding. These hormones help form a bond between mother and baby and can similarly form a bond between sex partners. Every time you or she orgasms, you are bonding – building a bio-chemical bridge of connection. The more you have sex with her; the more likely you are to be attracted to her, and she to you.

9.) Forgive her. The most important sex organ is the brain. The thoughts you carry around about each other will impact how attracted you are to each other. Negative thoughts, resentments or grudges are toxic to your sex life. So forgive her, and ask her to forgive you. If you have hurt each other (and what couple hasn’t?) then you must learn to forgive each other and let things go. Passion sparks when hatchets are buried.

10.) Be Trustworthy. If you want her to unleash her wild side she needs to trust you. If she is going to trust you, then you need to be open and honest with her. To be honest, you need to have nothing to hide. Surveys show that the quality women value most in a man is “trust.” If you have something to confess and you need help from a third party, consider enlisting the help of a therapist or a member of the clergy. A clean conscience feels sexier than a guilty one.

Men, if she does not live up to your expectations, stop… Look in the mirror and ask, “What is my part?” You can NOT control her, but you can do something about you. Don’t wait and don’t be afraid. You do your part, and see what happens. Support her and believe in her, and give her the chance to be the woman you’re looking for.